MY HUSBAND CAN’T WATCH OUR NEWBORN TO LET ME SHOWER My husband and I had a baby 2 weeks ago. She’s strictly breastfed, so I can’t do much without her, and I’m completely okay with that. But one thing is driving me crazy: I can’t take a shower alone. I barely get 2-3 minutes before the baby cries, and then my husband brings her in because “it nearly makes him cry whenever she does.” With that said, his life hasn’t changed AT ALL — he takes his 30-60 min uninterrupted showers daily! He doesn’t understand my frustration whenever he showers. That’s the only thing that bothers me. I want to shower. I want to sit under the water and relax my muscles. But like I said, every time I attempt it, the baby starts crying, and he brings her into the shower with me instead of trying to calm her down himself. I love my baby, I love being with her. I’m just so tired and need 15 minutes for myself… What would you do in my place?… Full story in comments ⬇️
Amidst the joy of welcoming their daughter and adjusting to their new roles as parents, a mother found herself grappling with the challenge of carving out moments of solitude. What was supposed to be a time of celebration with her husband took an unexpected turn, culminating in a heated argument over their respective parenting responsibilities.
In the whirlwind of emotions and exhaustion that characterizes the early days of parenthood, a mother found herself yearning for a brief respite of quietude and solitude. Seeking an outlet for her frustrations, she turned to Reddit to share her experiences. Beginning her post, she revealed that she had been caring for her child for only two weeks. Despite her daughter being exclusively breastfed, she grappled with the challenges of cluster feeding and discovered her daughter’s inclination for closeness and comfort.
A mother cradling her newborn | Source: Shutterstock
In her new role, she found herself with little to no time for herself. “I’ve only managed to shower solo once since her arrival, and even then, it was interrupted within minutes by her cries, prompting my husband to bring her into the bathroom with me. I barely had a chance to lather up,” she lamented.
In contrast, she observed that her husband’s routine remained largely unaffected. He continued to enjoy long, uninterrupted showers daily, seemingly oblivious to his wife’s struggles.
Whenever she attempted to shower, her husband would promptly bring their crying newborn to her, expecting her to calm her down. This pattern frustrated her deeply, as she felt he made no effort to soothe their baby independently. His justification was that the baby seemed to enjoy showers, and witnessing her distress pained him deeply.
A mother holding her baby | Source: Shutterstock
Despite her husband’s well-meaning concerns, the Redditor recognized the urgent need to establish a consistent self-care routine without the immediate presence of her baby. Determined to find a solution, she sought assistance. Calling upon her own mother to watch over her daughter while she showered seemed like the most viable option.
However, her husband’s reaction upon returning home caught her off guard. He was visibly upset by her decision to involve her mother, questioning why she felt the need to seek external help. “I could have taken care of her. Why did you do that?” he demanded, prompting the Redditor to explain, “Every time you’ve watched her while I shower, she ends up joining me within 2 minutes because you don’t even attempt to soothe her.”
A mother with her baby | Source: Shutterstock
Hence, after five days of attempting to find a spare moment to shave her legs, she eagerly anticipated the soothing sensation of warm water enveloping her body, alleviating her tired muscles. “Self-care is crucial,” the Redditor underscored.
The original poster’s candid portrayal of her early motherhood journey evoked a symphony of responses from fellow Redditors, who shared their own anecdotes and extended words of encouragement. One commenter questioned the husband’s reasoning, proposing, “If showers indeed calm her down, why doesn’t he bring her along during his 30-60 minute showers?”
A mother looking stressed with her child | Source: Shutterstock
Another suggestion proposed by a commenter was for the OP to lock the door temporarily as a means of asserting her need for privacy and to impart a lesson to her husband on respecting boundaries. Furthermore, a Reddit user remarked that the husband’s behavior reflected poorly on him in front of his mother-in-law, emphasizing the importance of him realizing his capacity to care for his daughter without always relying on his wife. The discussion delved deeper into the dynamics of communication and support within the relationship, with commenters highlighting the husband’s misplaced priorities, as evidenced by his concern over his wife calling her mother rather than prioritizing her well-being. “You found a solution despite the challenges you faced. Yet, his primary concern isn’t your welfare but how it appears to your mom,” noted one commenter.
A man sitting next to a crib looking stressed | Source: Shutterstock
One mother shared an anecdote wherein her husband once interrupted her hair appointment, prompting her to have a serious conversation with him. She made him reflect on the frequency of his haircuts since their baby’s arrival and instructed him never to disturb her alone time unless absolutely necessary. Encouraging the OP to have a similar conversation with her husband, the commenter emphasized the importance of asserting one’s need for personal time.
A couple fighting | Source: Shutterstock
Another commenter recounted her experience of initially shouldering the majority of parenting responsibilities until she and her husband established a more equitable partnership. Initially, she took the lead in soothing their fussy baby at night. However, after three days, she insisted on using earplugs and requested her husband to wake her only for feeding, allowing him to care for the baby during the night. This shift led to a more balanced and cooperative parenting dynamic.
The commenter elaborated that by allocating responsibilities, both partners gained a deeper understanding of the challenges and rewards of caring for a newborn. This process also facilitated the development of empathy and mutual understanding. “That night, my partner truly became an equal parent,” the commenter emphasized.
Here’s a story about a newborn who cried incessantly despite the parents’ efforts to soothe him. Eventually, they discovered that the solution to their child’s distress lay within the confines of the crib.
